Change

Haven't blogged a lot lately. Been writing in a paper journal for my eyes only. It's appropriate given the changes I'm about to make that I would focus on myself. Going to a new town alone, not knowing anyone except my future coworkers... I need to be self-sufficient. But I feel the loss of the people I'll be leaving behind.

I have moved away from people in spirit, when the tension was too much for me. But moving away from people in flesh, and somehow avoiding the emotional estrangement that usually accompanies such things, is new for me. It's been easy to see how I try to lapse into animosity to try to make the pain less.

This change is something I need to do - probably the most important decision of my life. To have such an opportunity in times like these is priceless. And the sense that I'm truly desirable as an employee is completely new to me. To think that people wanted me to work for them sight unseen, only based on what my supervisors told them! It's a huge shift in my self-concept and it is going to take some time to get used to.

One thing that does make me very happy is that I was able to think about what was important to me in choosing a place to live, in choosing a social group to introduce myself to. My life is going to be completely different. But as it was told to me recently - as I think I may have just really heard for the first time - change always happens, and should be expected. Oddly enough, now that I've heard it, it doesn't seem like such a hard concept to embrace.

I don't know what I'll be saying in February, but at least for now - I'm looking forward to snow!